Those dreams stayed with me for the longest time. I use to call them big dreams because it sounded and looked far fetch for a ten-year old girl. I used to envision myself having a house, a wonderful career (I used to picture myself in business suit holding a briefcase,,, no briefcase, mostly laptop bag nowadays), a car.
Come college time, I still had those big dreams, still pictured myself in a suit but it evolved into seeing a future life of me being a single mom (I must have a kid to pass down my dream riches LOL), I foresaw a little girl, a full time nanny, a comfortable and pretty house and a kick-ass car.
Then I met hubby who obviously wrecked that single mom vision. Alex is a boy, I was still not in HR, I still cannot buy a car (I did not have a license), we lived in a small one bedroom in Deira with neighbours upstairs who are always pick up by nice cars, different cars. We had a kitchen that only fits one person. We had a full time nanny who sleeps in the living room with Alex on a sofa bed.
I stopped dreaming. The dream juice died. No movies or novels were able to revive my dreaming heart. Since I was not dreaming which is part of my days, I was just working and trying hard to be a mom, and I felt like a failure. I knew zilch. Couldn't even cook (used to feed Alex McDonalds french fries, nuggets and milk. We still eat McDonalds junk but I now can whip up good stuff when time allows).
Then as if seeing Alex for the first time, I realised I have to go back to dreaming. So my dreams all came back. And one of the dreams was that I'll be able to cook for this boy and feed him something with substance (either that or be super rich and hire a chef to feed him with substance). It was little Alex who started my food journey.
I re-read my inspiration books and went back to dreaming vividly. I'm very visual so I had my car printed out, my house with all its glory and colour (at least the closes to how I pictured way back) and just $$$ with the briefcase. I had it stuck into one of my notebooks at work and I look at it every time I get frustrated.
The Missing Self-esteem
Family life was stressful in a sense that I couldn't see myself succeeding in it that at some point, I will fail miserably and it haunted me for years. There were so many doubts. Hubby and Alex reminded me not to doubt my dreams and how that has now evolved into wanting to make them proud of me. I went back to school around the same time Alex started one. I thought it's time to go back to fulfilling my career in my dream field. Not everyone has the chance to work in their chosen field but I will not give up.
In the meantime, I thought, let me face my fear and get a license. I cannot have a car without a license and that a Car is part of my Big Dream as a little girl. It just have to happen.
Two down, more to go
I got my license and I got my car (hubby bought it for me) and got my first real HR role within the same month. When it rains, it pours. That opened the door for other HR role in other organisations. HR experience and being mobile was the key. There goes me in a business suit and for awhile I did carry a briefcase but the files in it keeps on getting thicker, I had to ditch the damn bag.
The little me saw a house, it even had a colour. But my heart is not sold out on the idea of a house in my own country. I had to postpone it for as long as I can until it feels it's the right time or find a way to buy the house somewhere else.
Practice Makes Perf.... Improvement
By the time Jason came, my cooking has improved. My kitchen skills is far better than what I will ever imagine... but my memory isn't. I cannot remember how exactly I did a dish or what changes I made. Jason's energy made me think of starting a blog. And here it is now. Sometimes it's updated, most of the time it's not. But once upon a time, I update it often with my kitchen experiments. Along the way, Jason and I and Alex have our own photo ops to boast.
It Left as Fast as It Came
At some point, I wanted to have a business, any business and hopefully have more time for my family. By that time, the dream of owning a business has already consumed me. So I did the business without passion. It was just the business that I can easily start. I want to know what it takes to have one. I did and then I don't have it.
I sure will have another business but something that I am passionate about. In time, we will do a grand reveal. It's something that makes my heart jump with joy. The business plan is in my laptop bag, it has a nice logo and a good concept line. One day, I'll pour my heart and soul into filling up the required information and complete a whole business plan. For now, it inspires me to learn every day. It keeps a burning desire to work even harder so we can make it happen.
My dream at this time is not too far away from what I had as a little girl, a house somewhere with a yard, a big car, a career in HR and the addition of a business I am passionate about and a bigger place good enough to accommodate us while we are here in the UAE.